NAPLÓK: nélküled
Legutóbbi olvasó: 2025-07-12 16:39 Összes olvasás: 197516| 30. | [tulajdonos]: relief and kitsch | 2013-09-08 17:46 |
Mert kimondanimegkönnyebbülés. ert ha volt módom vhogy ártalmatlan módon kifejezni, az már önmagában boldogság volt. Fény. Ennyi volt benne az öröm. De az öröm volt, nem alábecsülendő.
Looking back i see only torment, guilt and pain. I know there was sg else too, but now it is inaccessible. irrational cos it's not your fault but sometimes i feel i won't forgive you for letting me believe I counted for you and I hate those moments when I thought it was reciprocated and i hate you cos you wrote the thing cos of which i thought so. I am just totally sure whatever I feel does not reach you, has no effect on you. So it's just self-defence. I don't want to hurt you but I strongly believe I am in no position to do it anyway. It's you who can, involuntarily, hurt me, but that's life.
More or less that was it. I was relieved, felt much better to put it on with a chance of your reading it. I felt much better, even stronger. Stangely at peace.
As for the kitsch, here it is too:
Dream: i sent him a (love) poem, which he impatiently rejected warning me that i was tresspassing so i was walking in the freezing street crying, tears biting into my face :why had he made me believe long ago and what had he wanted from me?" my subconscious is kitschy. |
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